and I'm home

Approximately 36 hours in transit. From Cambodia, to Vietnam, then Singapore, to Germany and finally the U.S. I was in 5 countries in less then 2 days.

Although I have to say overall it wasn't a bad trip. Unlike the way there which was a 17 hour direct flight from NY to Bangkok, this was split up enough, that I didn't feel like I was trapped by any means. It also took longer to get to Germany(12 hours) then to get to NY(7 1/2 hours) so the worst was over by then.

I have been getting really sad the past few days. I've realized, after being here, that while I know history in general, mainly the highlights, I really am not up to date at all on what is going on in my own country or the rest of the world. I realize I spend so much time watching mindless TV, sitting around, etc, so I've decided to do more reading, especially newspapers and books of relative importance. I began this plight a few weeks into Thailand, reading the Freedom Writers diary. It's the book that is based on the movie. It is written as a series of anonymous entries. Each one made me cry(which meant I was crying every few pages). They kept referring to being in an undeclared turf war, dictated by the color of your skin and the origins of their countries. From stories of rape, and abuse, to stories of drive bys, and being unable to live up to their full potential, I was moved by each individual entry. Yet, even with all the bad hands of cards they were dealt in life, they overcame, thanks in part to the help of their teacher. Although, even though their teacher guided, they all brought themselves out, and made a positive out of a very negative situation.

Then I went to Cambodia, and bought another diary book, which followed different children's plight through the kyhmer Rouge regime. Each entry also made me cry. I have been a very emotional person lately. They were forcibly removed from their homes, separated from their families, completing manual labor for nearly 16 hours a day, with one meal(and that meal being water soup with a spoonful of rice), they were separated from their families, brainwashed into thinking their parents were the enemy, and they watched many people brutally murdered for simply being smart, or just being in the wrong place in the wrong time. Yet, nearly every story ended with the child coming to America (or in a few cases to Australia) and not only graduating highschool, but graduating college as well. They also saw human nature at its worst, and still did not let that stop them.

Finally, on the plane ride home, while watching alot(and I mean alot) of fluff movies, I also watched the movie Blood Diamond. It essentially followed the plight of one man who had found a big diamond, and everyone was trying to get their hands on it using all necessary means. As we watch this man forcibly recover the diamond, we see his family ripped away from him, his son brainwashed against him, and a tremendous three sided war, with the citizens, the "rebels" and the UN type "peace keepers". Everyone was out for themselves, and the AK-47, their weapon of choice. They showed villages being burned down and people being killed like it was a "harmless" video game, not peoples lives. I spent most of the movie crying.

The reason I write this, is because I am baffled at this. I am a history major, and an avid reader, who did not know of many of these atrocities, nor understand the specifics. Yeah, we learn that Hitler wanted Poland, and the rest of Europe "appeased him". I'm sure it was understood by some, that in order to take Poland, that many would have to die, but I guess I just never thought about it. I mean its history, it has already happened. But to read eye witness accounts, or to see the footage on the movie, and know this is a fairly accurate represntation of what occured less then 10 years ago, was pretty scary!!!

In my bubbled experience, known as Upstate NY, I know not one person with a gun. I think maybe my ex boyfriend's dad had a hunting rifle, but that's about the extent of it. In Freedom Writers, most of them came from broken homes, or homes that were never built in the first place(my way of saying, the parents were never married). Not only are my parents still together, but so are nearly all of my good friend's parents, as well as my parents' good friends. In my family, I know of only one couple that have been divorced. I have never known someone who died other then from "natural" causes, and even that number is fairly low. In my entire life I've been to one funeral, my grandfathers.

I have no remote understanding of having to watch my back all the time for fear of being hurt, beat or killed. I have no understanding of having to work for food, or not knowing where I am to sleep that night. I have no experience with violence whatsoever. Actually, just today, a man in a nearby(15 minute drive ish) shot his ex wife around 1 am, and then escaped. He was considered armed and dangerous. The school I went to highschool at, went on lockdown because they were afraid that the man could be coming to the school. That is how alien violence is to my little bubble of an area, that a murder that occured many miles away could be seen as potentially threatening because things like that never happen.

What I can't believe though, is that many of the people affected by the most averse conditions can still lead normal, healthy and fulfilling lives. I know I could be upset for days if someone is mean to me. I would get angry if I didn't get an A on a test. If my parents decided to go only to Florida for a vacation instead of the bahamas, I could be fuming for a while. How dare I? I mean these people have real problems, and are then able to overcome. I think that is incredible.

Being out of the country, and seeing my country and the world from a different perspective has been invaluable to me. Yeah, when I went to Australia, I saw some pretty things and had a few laughs, but it was nothing like this, where I was in a constant state of fun and entertainment, while giving back to the community and learning a whole lot about myself and the world around me. It's like for once, I could really see and understand things for what they really are. I was always a good student, but I never really cared about the knowledge, but the grade. I know it might be fairly late in coming, but I'm finally ready to really learn, no A+ needed. I think I'm going to start to read the paper more, I'm thinking about learning Spanish, I'd like to train to do like a 5k run for a good cause, and more then anything, I wanna be able to help and do what I can to aleviate the sufferings of others. I did not do anything to deserve the life I lead, it is merely the luck of the draw. I think its unfair that my birth gave me this entitled life, while other's birth gave them a life of terror and misfortune. I'd like to do what I can, to make things better for others. I think I need to learn more about them first though.

I do have one more blog coming concerning South East Asia, about the things that I learned, then I might put down the typewriter a while and enjoy my last few months in upstate NY before I make the big move. However, I am definately planning on blogging about my new job, I just can't see you all being that interested in the goings on of me in Upstate NY.