the trials and tribulations of teaching with others...

First things first, I GOT THE OAKLAND JOB!!!! I'm not positive I want it, but I am pretty sure. Either way, just wanted to share. I'm sure I will disect later.

Oh, and next. I will write about my week once I situate my pictures and stuff but for now, I just need to write.

Before I left, I had a talk with my cousin David who told me that traveling is a way to get to know yourself better. This is definately the case this week.

15 of us went on this trip. 4 Native English speakers, 5 veteran(more then one week) teachers, and the rest newbies. We had to create 4 different groups to teach 4 simultaneous classes. We tried to split up the groups so that there would be no groups of all new teachers, and that we would spread out the natives and veterans.

I naturally lead the group. I can't help it, its just in my DNA I suppose. Yet, at the same time that I lead, I also hate making decisions. It's a weird dichotomy.

We spent most of the time teaching with 3-4 teachers and groups of 20-35 students. Yet, we also spent about an hour each day doing stuff with the whole group. This is where I lead the most. I will explain a song or game, simply because I am impatient and don't like standing around. I don't like the students to be idle, and well I like leading. I like being the one in charge. It was nice having everyone depending on me.

We also had daily meetings where we would discuss how the day went, both good and bad, and then plan for tomorrow. I kinda lead here too. I just do it naturally. I also had a good repore with the principal, who was our main facilitator, so he would usually come to me so I could discuss whatever was going on, with everyone. (He spoke very good english and was really funny).

Yet, I was still very frustrated and pushed to my limits alot. Like, I love to lead, but I had dissenting opinions, even though I encourage them. When someone disagrees with what I say, its like I feel like they disagree with me as a person. I get very angry and frustrated and retreat like a wounded puppy. I think that no one wants me to lead, so I back off. Yet then somehow I'm thrust to the lead position again.

I also got very frustrated teaching with 4 other people. The first day or two it was fine, because they basically sat back and let me take over. I was then able to assign parts to people, but still basically maintain control. As long as I was in control I was happy. Yet, as we loostened up the structures of the groups and other "leaders" were teaching with me, I felt very unsure of my role. I tried to back down and felt as though I was doing nothing. I tried to take charge and felt like I was taking over.

I know most of this doesn't make alot of sense, but well, this blog is for me just as much as it is for you. Either way, I am trying to deal with my perfectionist frustrations. It takes me alot to get angry, but it doesn't take me much to get frustrated.

It was nice though, whatever fight or issue I thought I was getting in with people, didn't seem to matter. I actually had some of the volunteers ask me to be in their group. People wanted me to lead, not just so that they could sit back, but I think because I was good at it. Yet, I still fit in. I wasn't the boss or anything.

It was a surreal experience. It defiantely taught me alot and at times really pushed me to my limits. The first two weeks were amazing. Some of the funnest in my life. This past week was also very fun, but even more valuable because I understood more about myself and hopefully grew as a person.

Ok, have to be social. Will write about my actual experience and put up pictures...well when I get around to it really.

It's good to be back.