oh, so you are curious about me huh?

Really, I'm not sure if you are or not, but I realize I've been sharing with you alot of what I am experiencing instead of the typical how I feel about it. That is so not me, so I will now share some of my feelings with you.

When I first got here I was overwhelmed of course. I missed my flight, I was 2 days late to the introduction of the culture, and the teaching. I lost my luggage leaving me in Winter clothes without any means of washing myself for about 36 hours after I had arrived. Everyone seemed to already know everyone already and I was left out in the dark. I spent the first two days trying to acclimate myself, get money, buy food, buy a cell phone etc. Although, I did do something that was uncharacteristic of myself, I kept going out. Whenever someone asked me to go anywhere, I would go. Even though I felt crappy and all I wanted to do was sleep and wait for my luggage, or simply gain my bearings, I went anyway. Of course the first day or two I was still not comfortable, but I pushed through it.

I am a huge perfectionist. Well, a minimalist perfectionist. I expect to do the minimum expected, and everything will be perfect. For example, I expected to come here and be friends with everyone immediately and feel right at home and understand the culture without extra effort, and as always it felt short of my extremely high expectations, because I kept having to deal with one mini-drama like losing my luggage after another.

Yet, instead of getting angry or frustrated as is my typical nature, whenever things didn't go the exact way I expected them to I removed myself from the situation and spent a little time alone. For example, one of the coordinators, Jessica, went to help me buy a cell phone, but she doesn't speak much thai and the market owners speak little english. I got so frustrated, so I asked a thai coordinator that also spoke English. He said he was busy, and I got rather angry, because of course he should be free to do whatever I need him to at a moments notice(please read that sentence with extreme sarcasm). Yet, instead of whining or getting upset, I just went bymyself to the Walmart type store called tesco, which has many cell phone shops outside of it, and spent some time figuring out what I wanted in a phone and trying to piece together some Thai. After an hour of getting nowhere, I decided to go to the one pizza place there, so I could get some "Western" comfort food in me. Finally, I went back to the shops and bought a phone. It's a nice new phone and it cost 2240Baht which is around $60USD I believe. By the time I had gotten back I had calmed down and everyone was getting ready to go out. I wound up going out with everyone to dinner and then to Surreal, the bar the volunteers frequent and had a great time! I'm really learning how to take things as they come instead of expecting so much.

I also struggled at the beginning with the social aspect of the program. I kept seeing all the volunteers who had been there for weeks or months even get along very well with each other and my high expectations told me that I should be the same way. Yet of course, they have had alot of time to build these relationships and I have come in and expect to be immediately accepted.

For three reasons though, I had had some tough times integrating into the social scene. First, is the fact that everyone comes from different cultures. There is one other American, three people from England, one from Australia and everyone else is from other Western European countries who does not natively speak English. As Americans (or maybe just as me) I feel that to connect with people you have to constantly be talking. This is not the case in Germanic countries for instance. So when I was trying to get to know a girl from Germany I thought that we weren't getting along very well because we were both just laying on the hammocks and not really talking, but to them, that's a fine way to spend the day. They do not need to constantly be filling in the silence with meaningless chatter. They only speak when its necessary. That's not to say that they don't like to talk, but it doesn't seem rude to them to be silent for a while. I am starting to realize this more now. I've had the most social issues I think with the sweedes. The sweedish people by nature are very reserved and shy. Of course I see this as rude and stuck up though, because I am naturally friendly and outgoing. I don't mean to, but when I go out of my way to be nice and friendly and they are curt back, I assume that they don't like me or are snobby. That is just their way. They interact like that to people they are good friends with as well. They don't seem to get to excited or angry or any other emotion, they keep a calm, cool outward expression at all times. This seems true of most of the male Sweedes. The females are a little more friendly! The second thing I have working against me and my perfectionist high expectations is the nature of the program. There are new volunteers coming and old volunteers going every two weeks. For people who have been here for over a month even, they kinda get tired of getting to know new people that will just be leaving shortly after. Therefore they don't bother. I was nervous because I got assigned to teach with Andy from the UK and Johan from Sweeden and they were two of the guys who had been the least friendliest, and I thought they were really snobby at first. First of all Johan was from sweeden, so like i said before it was already tough and second of all they have both been here for over 2 months and they just don't see the point in meeting new people anymore. They are nice to me and friendly because I "won" them over with my infinate charms obviously, but they have not put in any effort really, to get to know the other new volunteers. The last reason, which has since been rectified, is that because my plane was delayed and was coming late anyawys, I arrived nearly 3 days after the other new volunteers arrived, so they all bonded and I did not. Also, out of the girls, two live together, and two others live together, and one girl in each room speaks german so it brought them all together. I room with a girl named Yvette, who has been there a while and already has her friends. Luckily though, we had this thai language class everyday this week that has sort of brought us all together.

WIthin two days or so, it all worked itself out. Except for lunch (which the other volunteers eat at their school, since they teach til 12, yet I teach til 10 and get no lunch), I have not eaten a meal alone. I always have someone to go places with and everyone always winds up in the same places at night. It's a really great atmosphere once you let yourself acclimate at the right time and not try to push it. Overall I'm really enjoying it and have found a great group of people to experience Nonghkhai with!!!

I still am trying to push people to travel on the weekends, because I am only here for a month, and cannot extend my stay if I want. While, I don't mind traveling alone in an English speaking country, its too hard to travel alone here, so I think we are going to go to another village next weekend and into Laos the weekend after. This weekend the new volunteers are all headed into the "jungle" for a summer camp, where we teach a little bit but spend most of the time playing with the kids. We will sleep in tents and not really shower. Should be a blast. Therefore you won't be hearing from me for a few days, but I do have a couple of posts I'm working on about the culture I am experiencing. I jsut wanted to give you all a little bit about how I'm feeling about it. Its surprising that I have had quite a few setbacks and it hasn't broken my spirit. And everything that has went wrong has been rectified(although I did notice that I might be missing one of my sneakers this morning, so that might not be too good...haha).

Thanks for all the comments and emails I have recieved. It's great to know you are all reading and enjoying my travels. I know I am. Will post pictures again soon!

Leaw jer gan. (farewell)